They're Home, Now What?

You can never forget the day you bring your baby, or multiple babies, home from the hospital.  With multiples especially, you sometimes end up taking one baby before the others are ready to leave the NICU (and juuuuuust in case the dear reader isn't sure, that stands for neonatal intensive care unit), in which case, you build up a routine at home gradually.  But we were fortunate:  our boys were born at 34.5 weeks (yes, I count those few days as a half week, because with premature babies, even days can make a difference!), only had to spend 10 days in the NICU, and got to come home on the same day. 

Our first family photo at home!  

Hopefully, the nurses at the hospital at which you have your babies, or your midwife or doctor at home,  will give you some helpful pointers before setting you loose.  We had to sit down for almost an hour of baby-care points, that we frantically tried to remember later, before we were allowed to tuck the boys into their car seats and be on our way.

That first ride home is tremendously exciting and terrifying!  We're going home!  They are coming to their first home for the first time!  With us!  We have kids!  Drive slow.  I can't drive any slower.  Is he still breathing?!  What sound did that other one just make?!  Pull over!  No!  They're fine!

We arrived home around 5 p.m. that day.  Just enough time to take pictures, settle the boys in the pack-and-play for a little bit while we scarfed down dinner, unpack all the items from the hospital, shower, feed and change the babies, and then hunker down in the bedroom for the first round of that silly thing called "trying to get your babies to sleep at night while feeding them seemingly round the clock."  (This link will take you to the page with all of my posts regarding Sleep.)

I'm smiling...but I don't know what to do next.

You may have other young children, and I hope your experience with them will give you some knowledge and wisdom we lacked as first-time parents, but maybe you aren't sure how to juggle all the different needs at home now.  Maybe these ARE your first children and you're feeling uncertain.  Either way, take a breath, you can do this!  Just take it one step at a time.  SUCH a cliche, but still true.  (See my post on "Do The Next Thing.")


The First Day/Night Home:

• Figure out a way to unload the car and bring everybody/everything inside without leaving either baby alone in the car at any point.  
• Take pictures!  Share with others.  
• Quickly sort through the items from the hospital and your things at home to make sure you have everything you need for the next 24 hours: diapers, wipes, place to put dirty diapers, formula, bottles, filtered water, breast pump, milk storage bags, nipple shields, extra changes of clothes/PJs for babies, thermometer (hopefully you won't need that yet!), baby logs, just whatever you've determined you need.  Have it all right next to where you'll be that night, at hand, so you don't have to think about it later.  
• Figure out where babies will sleep and let them get a little accustomed to it.  
• At first, try following the feeding schedule or rhythm you had in the hospital.  Some babies need to be fed every 2 or 3 hours.  
• Feed yourself, preferably a hearty, healthy meal that'll last you.  
• If there are more than 2 adults, take turns showering.  You don't know when you'll get the chance next.  If you are the only adult at home, it's okay to leave the babies in their crib, bouncy seats, etc, while you shower.  It really is okay!  If they cry a little, they cry a little.  You do what you have to do.  
• If you have other children at home, or dogs, feed them too!  You'll have to do some juggling that first evening to make sure everyone has their basic needs met.  
• Decide beforehand what you want the bedtime routine for your children to be, and try to start that very night!  It may sound silly to have it for newborns, but getting into the habit of doing the same things in the same order every night will not only help your kids, but it will help you, too.  It will ensure you don't forget things, and give you more confidence as you figure out how to care for your babies.
• Then, throughout the wee hours...good luck!  I'm praying for you.  Try to jot notes on what happens, even during the night. 

In our notes, we wrote down which baby was in which color, just in case.  But of course, those outfits may not last the night.  

The First Full Day Home:

• You'll be utterly exhausted.  But you'll have to get up at some point to feed babies, feed yourself, and feed other people in your house.  If at all possible, plan out your meals for a few days at a time, before the twins are born, so you can have quick, healthy, easy foods on hand and you don't have to think about it as much.  
• Continue taking notes on the babies' habits throughout the day.  These notes will help you establish routines and schedules later, and can answer questions the pediatrician may have.  You can also refer back to them when you have questions.  AND they'll be handy when filling in those baby books...when your kids turn...3.  (Here's an example of the kind of note system we used.)
• TRY to squeeze naps for yourself into the day when the babies sleep.  I know there are always dishes to wash, calls to make, etc., but if you don't nap at least once during the day, you'll soon be running on empty and possibly be a danger to others in your sleep-deprivation.
• If you haven't already done so, schedule the next check-ups for you and your babies.  

Newborns are actually very sleepy.  Whenever they do happen to sleep, enjoy it.  Sleep yourself, get something done, or steal a precious moment.  Here, grandma revels in the peace.  For now.  

The First Week Home:

• Get some fresh air!  Take a stroller walk if the weather is good, and if not, walk the mall.  If the babies aren't allowed in public yet, take a car ride.  Just do something so you don't start getting cabin fever.  Sadly, even trips to Target with the babies in the double Snap-n-Go were considered "outings" in those early days.  
• Keep taking those notes and forming a daily and nightly routine.  After a few days you should be able to see patterns of when your babies are hungry, when they sleep the best, when they're the most fussy.  
• Take more pictures!
• Try to find a home for all those items I mentioned from the hospital, and for baby gifts or purchases.  If you don't find homes for things now, it just piles up, clutters up, and gets out of hand.  Do it this week so you won't be overwhelmed later.  
• Try and spend some time with the other people in your house, so they won't feel neglected.  Even just a moment eating ice cream together in the living room can be special.  

The First Month Home:

• Attend to any lingering phone calls or paperwork regarding the hospital, insurance, etc.
• Write thank you notes for any baby gifts or help you've received. 
• Decide if and how you want to send out baby announcements.  Facebook is fun and free, ha ha!  Or if your babies are born in the fall, you can do what we did and combine the announcement with your Christmas card.  
• Decide if you want to do any photo sessions and plan.  I wish I had done a professional newborn photography session!  We were too sleep-deprived to research and plan that out, but now I realize how easy it is to take pictures of them when they're sleepy and can't move.
• Start making plans, if necessary, for child care when you return to work.  

Your babies are home; congratulations!

A Busy Toddler

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I just recently finished my local mothers-of-multiples club's consignment sale, and thought I would jot down some things before I forgot!  (Most clubs have semi-annual sales, one in the spring and one in the fall.)

Here's my table!  As you can see, I didn't have that many clothes to sell this time, so I could get away with hanging them off the edge of a basket, instead of doing the clothing rack route, which I address below.

If you're selling:

• Keep seasons in mind.  If you're selling in the fall, it's true that you're probably trying to get rid of summer things, but most people will be shopping for winter gear.  
• $100 in change is more than enough.  You'll need a couple twenties, some tens and fives, and $20 or more in ones.  The ones and fives are what you'll probably need most.  You may not even need this much change, but better than running out!  Bring a roll of quarters if you're selling things for less than a dollar.
• Watch your items!  It saddens me to report that at this most recent sale, one mother had a very high-quality coat stolen from her rack.  It's easy to get into conversation with those around us, but be sure to keep one eye on your items.  If you leave your table/area to shop or go to the bathroom, take your money with you and be sure to have the person next to you help keep watch while you're gone.  
• Racks and hangers.  If you have a lot of clothing to sell, they go faster when hung up, and this is easiest to do with a clothing rack.  Ikea has them for $13 ($10 for a rack without wheels).  At first I thought this would be a frivolous purchase, but the racks really do attract more customers.  Also, a friend of mine uses her rack for guest's clothing at her home, year-round, so if you have no actual guest-room closet, this is a good solution.

  

  Image from Ikea.com

   As for hangers, not all stores allow you to take the hangers with you when you buy clothes, so it's easy enough to get a pack, such as these from Amazon (Just don't be like me and forget to take the hangers back when selling the clothing!)                                                                                                                                                                 
  
  
• Keep prices fair. When setting up the night before I took a lap around the room to get an idea of how other people price.  Then I had to adjust some of my things accordingly.  If you really want to just get rid of items, price them fairly.  If you need to make more money on things, go ahead and price it high and see what kind of offers you get.  Have a number in your head and stay firm.  (Perhaps something was more expensive, you bought it new yourself, or you never even had a chance to use something.)
• Be realistic.  You won't sell everything.  You'll sell some things.
  
  

  

  Image from memestache.com

  
  No, you won't make millions!  In my first sale I made $180, this time I made $160.  You could make more, you could make less, depending on what you're selling and how much traffic can be generated for the sale event.  
• Remember you can sell elsewhere, too.  If you haven't tried it yet, consider joining Facebook pages for local sales, or perhaps your local multiples club has a classifieds page for members.  Also, a friend told me you can often sell larger things well on Ebay.  If you offer free shipping, then factor that in when setting a price.  Take as many pictures as possible, and note any and all flaws!  If you are overly critical of the product, then you can avoid the scenario of a customer complaining that it didn't meet expectations.  
• Bags.  Bring plastic shopping bags for customers to carry around their purchases.  Most people won't remember to bring their own, and this will be an added, appreciated gesture.  

If you're shopping:

• Bring cash!
• Make a list.  Write down beforehand what you need, and then what you want.  If you're looking for big-ticket items, you may even want to look online to see retail value, so that you'll know what kind of deals you're getting.  Also, with a list, you're less likely to feel overwhelmed walking into a big venue, and more likely to stay focused and self-disciplined when it comes to spending!
• You can negotiate.
• Look first, buy second.  Circle the whole venue first, that way you can compare similar or even identical items.  

In case you missed it, I have another post on this subject here:  Preparing for a Consignment Sale.

Happy selling and happy shopping!such as these from Amazon.

Grocery Shopping With Twins

For months after our twin boys were born, we took turns going to the grocery store.  Eventually, I got brave and took the boys.  I stuck them in their car seats, clicked those into our double Snap 'n' Go, and walked.  It happened to be a Trader Joe's grocery store, which, if you're familiar with them, are designed purposely to feel like a small, neighborhood store.  Which means small aisles.  Tricky with something that steers and turns like a bus.  And I could just get whatever would fit in the bag below the car seats.  This is also how I would do the occasional Target run, though that required getting in and out of the car.  But for any trip that required buying a lot at one time, I had to go alone or send someone else.

When the boys were finally sitting up by themselves, we ventured into grocery stores that boasted double-seater carts.  By then we were living in Texas.  (How I love, and miss, HEB!  It's a chain that only exists in certain parts of the state.)  But sometimes the desirable carts were placed in odd locations, not in the parking lot or not even with the regular carts.  A few times, afraid to leave my babies alone in the car, I put them in the double stroller, searched for  the right cart, loaded them in, put the stroller in the cart, returned it to our car trunk, THEN went shopping.  Waaaaaay too many steps.

But not every store HAS double-seater carts, much to my, and I'm sure many a mother of multiples', dismay.  Or worse, stores that have just a few...or one.  Once, after the boys had been walking for awhile, I tried to bravely transfer them from the car to the store without the stroller in between.  I tried to have them walk by holding my hand, occasionally muscling a runner or a layer-downer up into my arms across the parking lot.  We finally entered, only to find no suitable carts.  I asked an employee who said they only had one, and uh, it was being used.  I gave up, and returned my squirmy squirrels to the car.  Then we went to Costco!  Beautiful Costco, where ALL the carts are double-seaters.  More retailers need to invest in these types of carts. (Market Street, I'm talking to you!)  Multiples are on the rise, and besides, mothers with several little ones of different ages surely need more of these carts, too!

Solutions for shopping with twins:

• Scope out stores beforehand, if possible.  When we moved to a new city, it was oddly fun for me to go around, testing out all the new grocery store chains in our area, or even to see how local branches of familiar chains were laid out.  I could also do some product and pricing comparisons.  I would see if a store had good carts, and if so, WHERE they were kept.  Next time I went with the boys I could try and park as close as possible to those carts. 

• Be organized.  It took me awhile, but I've finally gotten into a better meal-planning routine, and this helps with my grocery lists.  If you can keep your twin-accompanied grocery runs to once a week or even less, score!  

• OR, if you don't mind grocery shopping more often (sometimes it's nice just to get out of the house), take your double stroller and just stuff in whatever will fit at that time.  Then go back in a few days for other necessities.  

• I WISH I had known about this product before (my kids are too big for it now), but it looks very helpful:  the Buggy Bench!  Carry it in the car and just insert into the basket of a cart for an instant, second seat.  

• When the babies are still tiny, you could also wear one baby, and have the other in their car seat in the basket of the cart.  I have also seen people put one car seat on the riding part of the seat, and one car seat in the basket...but then you have very little room for groceries.  

• Bring whatever will bring more peace:  bottles, snack cups, sippy cups, pacifiers, etc.!

Happy shopping!

"Do The Next Thing"

My parents lived with us for two and a half months after the twins were born. I was spoiled! They did 99% of the laundry, grocery shopping, and cooked a lot of dinners for us. They sometimes fixed me lunch, and generally helped keep our apartment clean. All that, in ADDITION to helping with the boys: giving bottles or helping to bring them in to be nursed in my room, burping, changing, dressing, holding and taking lots of pictures!

Considering my husband and I were still exhausted, I have no clue how people cope with infant twins (or more!) with no outside help.

The day my parents left, my husband drove them to the airport and I was left alone with my children for real, for the first time. I cried. I didn't know how I would do it.

Especially in moments like this, I didn't know how I would do it...

Then I remembered a favorite saying of author and speaker Elisabeth Elliot "Do the next thing."  Elisabeth Elliot had one husband killed during their work as missionaries, she was then widowed and supporting herself and a small daughter, and her second husband died of cancer.  So she knew something about hardship.

Now my life was by no means as hard as hers, but raising more than one baby at a time can be challenging.  For me, in the moment of fear when my parents left, the "next thing" meant rinsing out some bottles, and playing with my babies on a blanket on the floor. Afterwards the "next thing" was nap time and I swaddled them, laid them in their cribs, and went back to the kitchen to continue catching up on dishes.  Eventually I may have caught a few minutes of sleep myself before they woke up for the next feeding and we started the whole cycle over again.  For you the "next thing" might be helping your triplets to clean up their play dough.  Or the next thing might be giving your twins a bath.  Don't worry about the 87 next things after that, just focus on one productive task at a time.  

"Do the next thing" became my own mantra for awhile, and I revisit it in moments when I'm stressed out or overwhelmed.  Here is the poem, author unknown, that inspired Elisabeth to often speak about that particular quote.  

From an old English parsonage, down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, as it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the hours the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration–”DO THE NEXT THING.”

Many a question, many of fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows, Child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, “DO THE NEXT THING.”

Do it immediately; do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His Hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all resultings, “DO THE NEXT THING.”

Looking to Jesus, ever serener,
(Working or suffering) be thy demeanor,
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing,
Then, as He beckons thee, “DO THE NEXT THING.”

Baby Logs: Filled In Sample Log

Here is a log that's been filled in, just as an example of how we used it.  The times, amounts, and details are completely fictional!!  This is just to give you an idea of what you can write down to keep track of basic details in case your pediatrician asks, or in case you have problems and want to detect patterns in your baby's behavior.

	Date:
Time	Feed/Sleep	Diaper	Pump
6: 00          am	Slept
7:	Slept
8: 00	Nursed on L side 10 min, R 10 min	BM	15 min., 3 oz
9:	Awake 20 minutes
10:	Slept
11: 00	Nursed 15 minutes both sides	W
12:	Awake 15 minutes
1:	Slept
2: 15	Nursed 10 minutes both sides	W	15 min., 3.5 oz
3:	Slept
4:	Slept
5: 00	Bottle 3 ounces	BM	30 min., 6 oz
6:             pm	Awake
7:	Slept
8: 10	Nursed 15 minutes both sides	W
9:	Fussy
10:	Slept
11: 00	Nursed L 10 min., R 15 min.	BM
12:	Slept
1:	Slept
2: 20	Nursed 10 min. both sides	W
3:	Slept
4:	Slept
5: 00	Nursed 15 min. both sides	W
Totals:	Nursing:  7 times	BM: 3	oz
	Bottle:  3   oz	W:  5
Meds:	Gas drops at 9 p.m.
Notes:
News:	First time to smile!
Bath:	Bath at 6:30 p.m.
Other:	None.